A tad late, I confess, but we've all been a bit distracted of late in the UK, by these bloody riots ... big thanks to the powers that be that they seem to be over ...
So let's see ... I believe I had 1 upswing & 1 downswing in July (notice how I can't seem to use the words 'mania' or 'depression'? Curious ...). The upswing wasn't too severe, though it did run a bit extreme toward the end. The downswing ... 3 or 4 days of utter misery, followed by a couple of days of numbness. It also happened to coincide with what should have been a very happy event. Thankfully I didn't ruin anyone's day.
And what of the mechanisms? Well, the meditation / reiki is still not on track, but better than last month. It's something that took me ages to get into the habit, & not long to get out of. I fear it's going to be the same this time around. Food-wise, I'm monitoring my caffeine intake - neither cutting it out completely nor allowing myself as much as I used to have - & it seems to be working well. I've eaten salmon as often as I can, & my scientifcally reliable other half informed me that folic acid also helps with mood regulation, so with that in mind I've been nomming on marmite on toast (good thing I love marmite!).
I'm also keeping myself very busy with making stuff, writing stuff, & playing stuff in my spare time - it's been a bit hectic at times, & I may need to remind myself to take some time out to avoid getting too stressed! But generally, life is good.
So in summary, I'm still not episode-free, but they weren't severe. This pleases me. I'll keep up the experiment. Stay tuned ...
Monday, 15 August 2011
Friday, 15 July 2011
The Things I Love
When you suffer from severe episodes of depression, I think it becomes rather important to make sure you fill your life with things you love. These things can help to keep your spirits up, & to distract you when the depression starts to really hit hard. As with just about everything on this blog, it won't work on its own, but along with all the other bits of advice, it helps ...
Here's the stuff I love:
LARP. Live Action Role Play, for those of you not 'in the know'. Don't know what it is? Watch the movie 'Role Models'. Here in the UK, we are lucky in that most of the LARPs that run over here are much better in terms of the quality of plot, costume & weaponry, but basically, it's the thing they do in 'Role Models'. LARP incorporates my love of theatre with my love of costumes & my love of the outdoors. Dress up in a cool costume, run around in the forest & pretend to be a faery? You couldn't stop me! My local LARP event is Skullduggery LARP & it is awesomeness incarnate. Check the links!
ACTING. Yeah, I'm an actress. Amateur, admittedly, but I've been told I'm pretty good at it. More importantly, I love it. I jump in on any bit of local theatre I can (except pantos & most musicals - I hate those).
WRITING. My writing is sporadic at best, but when I'm in the zone I am IN THE ZONE. One day I'll get something published ... perhaps. That would be so cool ...
MAKING STUFF. My love of costume has morphed into a love of making costume, & since I've even been making stuff for other people, at their request, I've ventured far enough to make myself an online shop & be something of an entrepeneur. Look for Pixie-Led Creations on Facebook or Folksy, or just follow the link on the right ...
MUSIC. Music is one of my life's essentials. Anyone who knows me will know that I can't walk a distance, drive a journey or work a day at work without my Ipod to keep me company.
BOOKS & MOVIES. I put these together because they both involve the same thing for me: good stories. I love a good story, especially a good scary story, & my living room is practically a library of books & dvds. I am also partial to a good pc game ...
I look back at this list & think a) 'fitting the creative bipolar stereotype much??' & b) 'wow, nearly all of these things in some way involve an escape from reality, isn't that a bit worrying?' No. I have enough to worry about, thank you. The link between creativity & bipolar interests me, & I may be a big kid (undeniably), but I think this stuff helps, despite this common theme. Now, if I start thinking I really AM a faery & refuse to come out of the woods, then you have my full permission to worry.
Here's the stuff I love:
LARP. Live Action Role Play, for those of you not 'in the know'. Don't know what it is? Watch the movie 'Role Models'. Here in the UK, we are lucky in that most of the LARPs that run over here are much better in terms of the quality of plot, costume & weaponry, but basically, it's the thing they do in 'Role Models'. LARP incorporates my love of theatre with my love of costumes & my love of the outdoors. Dress up in a cool costume, run around in the forest & pretend to be a faery? You couldn't stop me! My local LARP event is Skullduggery LARP & it is awesomeness incarnate. Check the links!
ACTING. Yeah, I'm an actress. Amateur, admittedly, but I've been told I'm pretty good at it. More importantly, I love it. I jump in on any bit of local theatre I can (except pantos & most musicals - I hate those).
WRITING. My writing is sporadic at best, but when I'm in the zone I am IN THE ZONE. One day I'll get something published ... perhaps. That would be so cool ...
MAKING STUFF. My love of costume has morphed into a love of making costume, & since I've even been making stuff for other people, at their request, I've ventured far enough to make myself an online shop & be something of an entrepeneur. Look for Pixie-Led Creations on Facebook or Folksy, or just follow the link on the right ...
MUSIC. Music is one of my life's essentials. Anyone who knows me will know that I can't walk a distance, drive a journey or work a day at work without my Ipod to keep me company.
BOOKS & MOVIES. I put these together because they both involve the same thing for me: good stories. I love a good story, especially a good scary story, & my living room is practically a library of books & dvds. I am also partial to a good pc game ...
I look back at this list & think a) 'fitting the creative bipolar stereotype much??' & b) 'wow, nearly all of these things in some way involve an escape from reality, isn't that a bit worrying?' No. I have enough to worry about, thank you. The link between creativity & bipolar interests me, & I may be a big kid (undeniably), but I think this stuff helps, despite this common theme. Now, if I start thinking I really AM a faery & refuse to come out of the woods, then you have my full permission to worry.
Making It Work For Me!
I'm coming to the end of a very good week, & upon reflection I'm thinking that I've been running a little manic for most of it. I've been feeling very active, very alert, & have constantly been doing something - making stuff, mostly. After some encouragement I've set up an online shop to sell the hairpieces & costume bits that I like to make (but more about that later), & this week I've been working on a few bits to put in the shop. The alarm bells started ringing when I ran out of thread on the the thing I was working on & found myself without a project for the time being, but felt completely unable to STOP. I spent an hour dithering around looking for a new project, & ended up bouncing on & off of computer games, very grumpy & unable to settle. It's the inability to settle that makes this kind of mood infuriating, so if I can stick to a project I will - like glue! Now I'm coming to another no-projects-left period (which I'm hoping to end tomorrow when I hit the boot fairs with a vengeance, looking for new stuff), & so I'm here, knowing what the problem probably is & seeking distraction.
I've got to say though ... I've gotten LOADS done this week! When it works for me, it really works ... now if I could just find a way of MAKING it work for me ...
I've got to say though ... I've gotten LOADS done this week! When it works for me, it really works ... now if I could just find a way of MAKING it work for me ...
Friday, 1 July 2011
Status Update: June 2011
So looking back over my 'incident diary', I've had 2 bouts of depression in the last month. Both early in the month, about a week apart, both lasting for 3 or 4 days. Neither were particularly severe.
I've tried cutting back on caffeine & discovered how it helps to have a little extra caffeine when I'm down. I've been eating as much salmon as my lovely boyfriend cooks for me (don't look at me like that, his dad's a trained chef - of course he's going to be the better cook!). I'll confess the reiki has been a bit of a fail - I've tried to do it regularly but there's just so much other stuff that needs to be done ...
Well, it's a rather unexciting start .... but a start nonetheless. The lack of evil, devastating depressions or crazy loon fits could point to stuff working ... or it could just be a quiet month. Only time will tell ...
This month I pledge to try harder with the reiki, monitor my caffeine intake, & eat LOTS of salmon. Especially that last one.
I've tried cutting back on caffeine & discovered how it helps to have a little extra caffeine when I'm down. I've been eating as much salmon as my lovely boyfriend cooks for me (don't look at me like that, his dad's a trained chef - of course he's going to be the better cook!). I'll confess the reiki has been a bit of a fail - I've tried to do it regularly but there's just so much other stuff that needs to be done ...
Well, it's a rather unexciting start .... but a start nonetheless. The lack of evil, devastating depressions or crazy loon fits could point to stuff working ... or it could just be a quiet month. Only time will tell ...
This month I pledge to try harder with the reiki, monitor my caffeine intake, & eat LOTS of salmon. Especially that last one.
Friday, 17 June 2011
Rules Were Made To Be ... Well, you know.
I've just clawed my way back from 2 rather nasty potholes in my emotional road. 2 weeks, 2 bouts of depression ... yay for me. Still, thankfully neither were as serious as they can be, & I emerged on the other side relatively unscathed. This is undoubtedly in part thanks to my lovely boyfriend, who did his best to keep making me smile with little thoughtful gestures like making me tea, cooking me my favourite dinner (mmm, salmon ...) & giving me backrubs. It's very hard to remain convinced that you're worthless & horrible when someone is constantly demonstrating that you're lovely & special. Thanks Tony.
During the second bout, however, I recalled reading on one of those nutrition sites I linked in my blog about diet that caffeine can help elevate a low mood. I never thought of caffeine as doing this - it might be obvious to you, but to me caffeine has always been an energy thing. But hey ho, you live, you learn. So when I realised my mood was plummeting & things were going to get worse before they got better, I broke my caffeine rule & had a bottle of Coke. I didn't expect it to do much.
It did, though. No dramatic change, I wasn't suddenly singing about rainbows & hugging everyone, but my mood did lift a little. Enough to get me out of the worst depths of my depression & begin clawing my way out again. Enough to prevent me bursting into tears at work & having to suppress the urge to take a sharp object to myself.
It looks like I'll be amending the caffeine rule to something like this: cut down on it generally, but keep it in mind for a helpful boost when my mood drops.
During the second bout, however, I recalled reading on one of those nutrition sites I linked in my blog about diet that caffeine can help elevate a low mood. I never thought of caffeine as doing this - it might be obvious to you, but to me caffeine has always been an energy thing. But hey ho, you live, you learn. So when I realised my mood was plummeting & things were going to get worse before they got better, I broke my caffeine rule & had a bottle of Coke. I didn't expect it to do much.
It did, though. No dramatic change, I wasn't suddenly singing about rainbows & hugging everyone, but my mood did lift a little. Enough to get me out of the worst depths of my depression & begin clawing my way out again. Enough to prevent me bursting into tears at work & having to suppress the urge to take a sharp object to myself.
It looks like I'll be amending the caffeine rule to something like this: cut down on it generally, but keep it in mind for a helpful boost when my mood drops.
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Status Update: May 2011
It occurs to me that doing all this researching & experimenting in ways to control my bipolar disorder won't really count for much if I don't tell you how I'm doing on that front. So I figure a quick update at the end of each month should sort that out.
So ... May 2011. Well, let's see ... I had a rather odd couple of weeks in the middle of May, I suppose what would be called a mixed episode ... my thoughts were fuzzy & muddled, I wasn't sleeping very much & I felt very agitated a lot of the time; I thought I was due for an upswing, but it went totally the other way around, & then - as I said previously - I ended up suffering migraines. Once the headaches cleared I was ok, though.
Not the best way to start this, I suppose, but I don't get to pick & choose, more's the pity ...
So ... May 2011. Well, let's see ... I had a rather odd couple of weeks in the middle of May, I suppose what would be called a mixed episode ... my thoughts were fuzzy & muddled, I wasn't sleeping very much & I felt very agitated a lot of the time; I thought I was due for an upswing, but it went totally the other way around, & then - as I said previously - I ended up suffering migraines. Once the headaches cleared I was ok, though.
Not the best way to start this, I suppose, but I don't get to pick & choose, more's the pity ...
Monday, 23 May 2011
Alternative 2: A New Diet
In the documentary 'The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive' (linked on the right), Stephen Fry talks to a woman who manages her bipolar disorder without drugs, by paying close attention to what she eats. Now the psychiatrist who diagnosed me said that food has no effect on bipolar disorder, but a) he was talking about it triggering, rather than preventing, episodes, & b) the woman in the documentary was also a psychiatrist! So it sounded quite promising to me, & I promised myself I would look it up.
Well, I have, & I have to say it sounds good. I've added a link to a couple of the better sites I found, but the general gist is as follows:
Fish!!!!! Oily fish, such as salmon, mackerel, tuna etc. These are rich in omega-3 fatty acids, which apparently help with regulating mood, as well as keeping your heart healthy. Bonus! Personally I was jumping for joy after reading this, because my favourite food is salmon. Smoked, baked, fried ... i love it! Now if I can convince my lovely fantastic-cook boyfriend to cook it more often, I'm on to a winner ...
But if you don't like fish, the cod liver oil supplements you can buy in the supermarket will do the trick. So will seeds & nuts like walnuts, sunflower seeds & so on.
The fish thing was the main example given by the woman in the documentary; she said that she would eat fish at any given opportunity as well as taking supplements. However, a lot of sites report that there isn't enough evidence to support this, so at the moment it's a possibility rather than a definite help. Still, if it means I get to eat more salmon, I'm willing to play guinea pig ...
St John's Wort is a common herbal treatment for depression; however it can play havoc if you're on the contraceptive pill, which I am, so unfortunately I won't be trying this one out. If anyone has any experience with this, though, I'd love to hear it.
Diets high in fat or salt are also mentioned as being problematic, because they might interfere with some medications. I'm not on medication - yet - so I'm going to pass over this for now. But there's more information in the articles.
Avoid stimulants & depressants. This means cut down or avoid alcohol, which is - as I'm sure everyone knows - a depressant. No problem for me there; I rarely drink. It also means cutting down or avoiding caffeine & sugar. Now THIS is a problem. I don't drink much, I don't smoke, & I don't do drugs, & I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but my one vice is Coke (the fizzy stuff that comes in cans, not the white stuff that gets you thrown in jail!). I love it. I've tried to cut down on it several times in the past because it is ruining my teeth (I have way too many fillings already), with ...er, variable success. I'm definitely drinking less than I used to. But if I'm going to test this out, I think I'm going to have to cut down on it even more. I also drink a lot of tea. So it's decaffeinated tea for me from now on, & ... does anyone know a good caffeine-free alternative to Coke?
Well, I have, & I have to say it sounds good. I've added a link to a couple of the better sites I found, but the general gist is as follows:
Fish!!!!! Oily fish, such as salmon, mackerel, tuna etc. These are rich in omega-3 fatty acids, which apparently help with regulating mood, as well as keeping your heart healthy. Bonus! Personally I was jumping for joy after reading this, because my favourite food is salmon. Smoked, baked, fried ... i love it! Now if I can convince my lovely fantastic-cook boyfriend to cook it more often, I'm on to a winner ...
But if you don't like fish, the cod liver oil supplements you can buy in the supermarket will do the trick. So will seeds & nuts like walnuts, sunflower seeds & so on.
The fish thing was the main example given by the woman in the documentary; she said that she would eat fish at any given opportunity as well as taking supplements. However, a lot of sites report that there isn't enough evidence to support this, so at the moment it's a possibility rather than a definite help. Still, if it means I get to eat more salmon, I'm willing to play guinea pig ...
St John's Wort is a common herbal treatment for depression; however it can play havoc if you're on the contraceptive pill, which I am, so unfortunately I won't be trying this one out. If anyone has any experience with this, though, I'd love to hear it.
Diets high in fat or salt are also mentioned as being problematic, because they might interfere with some medications. I'm not on medication - yet - so I'm going to pass over this for now. But there's more information in the articles.
Avoid stimulants & depressants. This means cut down or avoid alcohol, which is - as I'm sure everyone knows - a depressant. No problem for me there; I rarely drink. It also means cutting down or avoiding caffeine & sugar. Now THIS is a problem. I don't drink much, I don't smoke, & I don't do drugs, & I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but my one vice is Coke (the fizzy stuff that comes in cans, not the white stuff that gets you thrown in jail!). I love it. I've tried to cut down on it several times in the past because it is ruining my teeth (I have way too many fillings already), with ...er, variable success. I'm definitely drinking less than I used to. But if I'm going to test this out, I think I'm going to have to cut down on it even more. I also drink a lot of tea. So it's decaffeinated tea for me from now on, & ... does anyone know a good caffeine-free alternative to Coke?
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